NPR’s Michelle Martin speaks with Citizen University co-founder Eric Liu about how to coexist in your community with people who vote differently.
MICHELLE MARTIN, HOST:
The recent elections have reminded us of how divided this country is in at least some ways, and also in at least some personal relationships, such as parents and children, siblings, friends, spouses, and neighbors. left in an unstable situation. We hear from many people who have voted differently than the person they care about and are wondering how, if they can, or should repair that relationship.
We asked people who read the Up First newsletter to tell us if they were experiencing this issue. But we also decided to put these questions to Eric Liu. He is a co-founder of Citizen University. It is a nonprofit organization dedicated to increasing community and civic awareness in America. We thought he might offer some helpful advice on this. Eric, thank you so much for joining us.
Eric Liu: Michelle, it’s great to be with you.
MARTIN: So let’s start by saying that not everyone is conflicted about politics. When we reached out to people who read the Up First newsletter, many responded. And one of the first people we talked to was Antonio Arevolo(ph). He is from Texas and has political differences with his aunt. And he said:
Antonio Arevolo: So when I posted that I voted for Trump, she commented on my photo saying no matter who you vote for, you’re still my No. 1. He gave it to me. That meant a lot to me. You know, we’ve always had kind of philosophical disagreements in the way we look at things, but we’ve never let that get in the way of how we treat each other, how much we love each other. I’ve never had one.
MARTIN: That’s one person. That being said, this is Lauren Buescher(ph) from Maryland.
Lauren Buescher: Some of my family and close friends voted for Trump and I voted for Kamala Harris. I’m done sacrificing my ethics to maintain a relationship that doesn’t support me, so I’ve made the decision to no longer have contact with them.
MARTIN: Eric, let me tell you, this is not the only person we’ve heard this from. We’re learning that some relationships don’t survive the election. What do you think about that? In your opinion, have you ever thought that it is a good idea to cut off contact with people because you feel that the differences between you are too big to bridge?
Liu: I think the most important thing we have to remember is that for most people, their political identity is not their entire identity. People are more complicated than how they vote. And yes, sometimes things matter to you in a way, and it’s true that someone you thought was close to you has voted against what you perceive to be your identity. It hurts in a meaningful way. Then you have to get away from it.
But sometimes you put this in the context of a relationship that has a different side to it, like the first person who spoke in that clip. And for me, the question underlying all of this moment is: how do we live together? And the bonding of diverse people, whether it’s marriage or a country like ours, sometimes requires a break. This may require us to double down and lean into the relationship, even if we are hurt by the choices the other person has made. But for me, this fundamental question is how do we actually maintain a meta-level commitment to living together and not cutting each other off?
MARTIN: So someone gave another response to that question. I’m Carol Easterday (ph) from Texas.
Carol Easterday: My brother voted for Trump and I voted for Harris. He is a truck driver who spends five days a week sitting alone in the cab of his truck, listening to far-right media reports. The last two elections have brought us to the point where we don’t talk about politics. We can’t have a rational conversation, so we try to avoid it and still be a family.
MARTIN: And this is something that we’ve heard from a lot of people as well, which is, we can’t talk about this issue. We just don’t talk about this at all because we can’t talk about these issues. I’m wondering about this because some of these are really important issues. Maybe they’re not the entirety of someone’s identity, but they’re really important questions. I mean, why should they try to stay involved, in your opinion?
LIU: You see, the temptation to categorize, sift, and isolate ourselves so that we only hang out with people who are, quote, “like me,” is a fool’s errand. Habits of discord are incredibly contagious. And you can’t just detach yourself. The fractal of, oh, I just keep slicing it so I can be with only the purest, most purely people like me, will never happen. Human life is not like that, but American life is definitely not like that.
The point of American life is to create something greater than the sum of its parts. And when we move away from that, we become very exploitable, just like we have been in the last few presidential elections, and we become very vulnerable to the Russian actors, the Iranian actors, and even the Russian actors who just want to divide us. It can be very divisive by American actors. And I think that’s not just a waste of American potential, it’s a huge threat to our existence as a society, a real existential threat.
MARTIN: Eric Liu. He is a co-founder of Citizen University. It is a nonprofit organization dedicated to building community and civic engagement in the United States. Thank you, Eric Liu, for speaking with us.
Liu: It’s a pleasure to be with you, Michelle.
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