For a long time, I took great pride in not having to rely on others.
I’m a conflict-avoidant, people-pleaser. Never I don’t allow myself to depend on others, and I never burden others with my troubles.
I told you my feelings jokingly. I asked for help on Instagram the other day.:
I am happy to help others without hesitation, but when I ask for help I consider it a character flaw in myself (and only myself).
I believed this was one of my strengths. They solve everything themselves and are ready to help others, but never ask others for help or guidance.
I have realized how foolish and harmful this way of thinking is, and I want to thoroughly address it in two healthy ways.
Asking for help is a sign of strength
The Lord of the Rings It’s been on my mind for the past week.
Season 2 Ring of Power It just started (early reviews say it’s a huge improvement over season 1, and I’m excited about it!).
I also listened to the three-part series The Lord of the Rings To What went wrong? Podcasts. The book explains how the trilogy came about, how many things had to fall into place, and what a feat it was to bring Tolkien’s work to the big screen in such an incredible, cinematic way.
Thinking about Middle Earth and The Lord of the Rings reminded me of a certain meme. What prompted me to start therapy?If Aragorn, the manliest man in history (well, he’s Númenorean and of Elven descent, but you get my point) could turn to his friends… maybe it’s okay for me to turn to others for help.
Asking for help is a superpower
While writing this newsletter, I stumbled across a video that brought a big smile to my face.
Powerlifter and personal trainer Shereine Abdelhadi was filming herself performing heavy deadlifts in a commercial gym when a stranger approached her between sets and asked her the wholesomest question I’ve ever seen in a gym interaction:
“This might be a weird request, but…can you teach me how to deadlift?”
His request was polite and respectful, and Abdelhadi was happy to assist.
As a result, this guy learned how to deadlift from someone far more knowledgeable in the field than he is, and he’ll have a better experience (and likely avoid injury) by continuing to perform this amazing exercise for the rest of his life.
What a superpower! Kudos to this guy for being a real person and recognizing that asking for help and being willing to learn is a huge superpower.
I’m used to seeing videos of assholes approaching women and giving unsolicited advice or mansplaining (while making terrible recommendations) to women who are way more knowledgeable than the asshole.
This was an amazing flip on the script, and I love it.
Asking for Help (final thoughts)
Before I ask you for your request, let me leave you with one last thought.
When I ask for help, I find myself constantly saying, “I owe you something.”
this Professor Adam Grant’s thoughts My perspective has changed:
i love this.
Every time someone helps me, I have to stop myself and instead of saying, “I owe you,” I just thank them. I know I’m happy to help them without expecting anything in return. I help because it’s the right thing to do.
I have a question for you all today.
Are there any areas of your life where you have avoided asking for help and tried to solve everything yourself?
Can we rephrase this in a more helpful way? One that sees asking for help as a sign of intelligence and strength, not weakness.
Today, when someone asks for help, instead of saying, “Thank you, I owe you a favor,” can you simply return the favor?
Ask for help! It was good enough for Aragon and this nerdy guy at the gym… it’s probably good enough for you too.
-Steve
