Andrew Flintoff says he “slowly gets there” after relating to a life-changing car accident he thought he had killed him.
The former English cricket captain was in a serious accident while filming Top Gear in 2022, and he suffered a permanent, major face injury.
He talks about the incident in the Disney+ documentary Flintoff, which will be released on Friday, and details the immediate aftermath and how he struggled to deal with the fallout.
“After the accident, I didn’t think I had it to get through it.”
The 47-year-old, who now coaches the Lions in England, said on the show:
“After the accident, I didn’t think I had it to get through it. This sounds terrible… part of me wants me to be killed. Part of me wants me to die.
“I didn’t want to commit suicide… I couldn’t get two things wrong. I didn’t want to, I was just thinking, ‘This would have been so easy.’
“Now I’m trying to take the attitude that the sun will rise tomorrow, and my kids still give me a hug. I’m probably in a better place now.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get better…it’s just not right now. I’m slowly getting there.”
Flintoff’s wife Rachel: I think cricket saved him
Flintoff has also coached the 100-team Northern Superchargers since his accident, and his wife, Rachel, said, “I think cricket saved him. It gave him a reason to exist again.”
The documentary features an appearance by surgeon Yaradhak, who describes Flintoff’s injuries as one of the five worst cases he has encountered in 20 years.
Flintoff said: “I remember my head bumping, I was dragged over, I went over the back of the car and headed down on the runway, about 50 metres under the car.
“My biggest fear was I didn’t think I had a face. I thought my face was off. I died scared.
“Even the memory of that can make me feel a little anxious and painful on the side of my face, to the point where I’m talking about it now.
“I can feel like a phantom pain. It’s like a bit of a curse.”
The BBC “leaves” Top Gear for a foreseeable future in 2023 after reaching a financial settlement with Flintoff.
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