Last week, I flew to Massachusetts to visit my 94-year-old grandmother in the hospital.
Let’s talk about this amazing woman.
Barbara, Aunt B or Gramma to our grandchildren, was born in 1930 to a first generation Newfoundlander family.
(No wonder I love music Alan Doyle (and great big sea), it’s in my DNA! )
Gramma has been a kindergarten teacher for 22 years and has been an active member of the community her entire life. She was a talented quilter and helped start several quilting operations over the years. She volunteered with the Council on Aging. She frequently drives to Meals on Wheels events, delivering meals to the elderly (as she called them), something she continues to do well into her 80s. I kept going.
On a past visit to Massachusetts, I stopped by a Gramma’s store in the afternoon and habitually checked my phone, often distracted by unimportant work thoughts occupying my mind. . Having known her so well all my life, I think I had the idea, “Grandma has always been here, and will always be here.”
Fortunately, I came across an ancient Japanese concept that helps me recognize this pattern and get back on track. All of my recent visits with Gramma have been decidedly different because of that.
Once-in-a-lifetime chance Once-in-a-lifetime chance
There’s a concept called “ichigo ichie,” which dates back to the Japanese tea ceremony of the 1600s.
This translates to “one time, one meeting.”
It reminds us to cherish and embrace moments that cannot be recreated. No matter how often we do something or meet someone, only when it really happens Here it is, in This moment.
This concept allows us to be more present.
- Instead of checking your phone, you can focus on the person or task at hand.
- Instead of worrying or dazed about tomorrow, we can be here now.
- Instead of forcing yourself to act, you can act a little more carefully.
I have been thinking deeply about Japanese Zen philosophy for the past few years (See my essay on Wabi Sabi) And this once-in-a-lifetime concept struck a chord with me as well.
This summer, I went on a trip to visit Gramma.
I stopped worrying about the future and ruminating on the past, put down my phone, and just sat with her.
I treated each visit as if it were only Time to have that interaction.
I asked her questions about her childhood. I heard that she spent several summers in a tent with no running water or electricity while her father built a house with his own hands. and how much is she I liked it.
She told me about her teenage years. That includes the time she snuck out of the house, got caught and had to sit at the foot of her parents’ bed until sunrise.
I learned more about my grandfather. She even shared photos from her wedding that I had never seen before.
She also found old photos of me and her.
This was my favorite:
I moved back to Nashville last month and didn’t know when (or if) I would see her again.
It still felt different. I connected with Gramma more deeply in a few visits than I probably have in the past 10 years combined.
So, I went to the hospital last week.
Gramma community
Last week, my brother and I drove every day to visit Gramma in the hospital.
And every day, a revolving door of guests came to check on her.
her nieces and nephews; My uncle and father. My sister and mother (who just had surgery!). her grandchildren. Her best friend’s son. her friend Ann. Friends of the Council on Aging. Fellow quilters. People from her church.
At one point, about 10 people came at the same time, and it really turned into a party.
I was in awe of this woman and how many lives she touched.
If there’s one clear sign that life is fulfilling, it’s being surrounded by people who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a long time in her life. And I was amazed and inspired by how many people dropped everything to spend time with her, swap stories and be with her.
Despite this situation, she still has a great sense of humor.
When she opened her eyes for the first time and saw me, she smiled and said, “I remember another story!” Then she pursued her boyfriend, even though he didn’t have a license yet. He told me about the time he drove through the streets of Boston.
While talking on the phone with my 94-year-old brother-in-law, she asked, “How’s it going, you nerdy old man?”
When the doctor asked her, “Are you feeling better today?” she replied, “Best of all!”
Spending time with Gramma and people from different parts of her life felt like the best use of my time. I am in love with the community around her. And I am always moved to tears by the love that so many people have for her.
This point was further pushed by my Grandma’s hospital “neighbors”…
live intentionally
The hospital where my grandmother is hospitalized is right next to Walden Pond, which was made famous by Henry David Thoreau. walden.
One day, after visiting Grandma, I took a peaceful walk around its surroundings, watching the sunset light dance through the trees.
(There is also a word “komorebi” in Japanese.)
Then I read a sign with Thoreau’s most famous observation.
“I went to the forest to see if I could not learn what the forest could teach me in the face of the essential facts of life, and to see if I could not, when I was about to die, realize that I had not lived. I wanted to live intentionally so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
Thoreau retreated into solitude to find what was most important to him.
Gramma went in a different direction to prioritize what was most important to her: family, friends, and community.
Two different scenarios yield the same end result.
Choosing to live intentionally.
I’m not planning on moving to the woods and living simply, but I think I’ve tried my best to live more deliberately over the past few years.
Specifically, I reprioritized what was most important to me: my friends, family, and community.
All we have to decide…
A few years ago, Gramma gifted my brother, sister, and me three of her favorite handmade quilts.
“I was planning to give it to my grandchildren after I pass away, but I would like to give it to them now so we can enjoy this moment together.”
She took the time to explain the meaning behind each quilt and why it was chosen for each of us. I am so grateful that she did this instead of waiting to hear about these beautiful quilts after she passed away.
When I visited Gramma this summer, I discovered that she had printed out my essay for me. About my late grandfather and her husband. She wanted Grumpy to be proud, but she realized she couldn’t tell him how much she had learned from him before she died.
That is why I am writing this essay now so that you can know how much she has taught me. I am so proud of my grandma and grateful for the opportunity to learn from her for 40 years (and beyond!).
(Yesterday, I received an email from my dad saying he read this draft at the hospital and loved it. Mission accomplished!)
I hope grandma gets better and can go home. Eventually, she said to her friend Laurie, “I’m not done yet!”
But we also know that this is not for us to decide.
As Gandalf said to Frodo, friends of the ring:
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time we have.”
I hope my Grandma and Thoreau can inspire you to live more carefully.
- If you can put down your cell phone Life will feel richer when you are with the people in front of you.
- If you want to prioritize what really matters It’s not trying to steal your attention and you won’t be wrong about your choices.
- If only I could find a way to focus on the important people in my life.even at 94 years old they will still be a part of it.
And finally, remember, whatever you do today, the time is now. this A moment happens.
Please act accordingly.
-Steve
P.S: If you want a movie that will make you think about your current existence and once-in-a-lifetime moments, I highly recommend Wim Wenders’ work. perfect days.
