It’s been a long time since I felt so uncomfortable.
I spent a free afternoon watching it last week. please don’t say bad things (Click here for the trailer) is a horror/suspense film about a family going to meet another couple they met on vacation.
and shockinglythings don’t go as planned.
If you see “Dinner Party” episode office Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jan’s house. The most unpleasant house party ever, And I thought to myself…
“What if this was a two-hour horror movie?”
…that’s essentially the following plot please don’t say bad things.
This movie is based on a European movie of the same name that was released in 2022, so naturally I had to watch that as well. And that version was even darker and more shocking.
The film contains some truly poignant commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting…
But here’s why Speak No Evil turned me off.
The film asks, “How far can we push our limits to keep the peace and not hurt anyone’s feelings?”
i always joke How pleased are people who avoid conflict? I do, and I mean this movie shook me to the core.
This brings us to the main topic of today’s newsletter.
Guilt and overcommitment
My father was raised as an Anglican (a type of Christian) and my mother was raised as a Catholic. My mother always joked that the Anglican faith was “like Catholicism, but without the guilt.”
So we went to an Episcopal church as kids.
And despite this, I managed to get all the guilt of catholics!
I bend over backwards to keep the peace. I will do everything I can to not offend you. You end up overcommitting and putting yourself in really frustrating situations just because you don’t know how to set healthy boundaries.
Long story short, it wouldn’t have worked out if it were me. Don’t say anything bad.
I thought this was just me being nice, but I realized that wasn’t the case.
I was neglecting myself and my own well-being.
Over the years, I’ve learned to establish and enforce healthier boundaries. Not only to protect yourself from others, but also to protect yourself from yourself.
I suspect there are quite a few of you reading this newsletter who are people pleasers, who are suffering from burnout, and who feel like they’re doing too much right now.
If that’s you, here’s a truth that’s hard to hear.
The solution to burnout is not a yoga retreat
When we feel burnt out, busy, and overwhelmed, we think the solution lies in a very specific form of self-care.
- Escape: All you need is a massage or a “digital detox” or a retreat.
- Achievements: All that’s left to do is work Harder At the gym!
- Optimization: I wish the schedule was more optimized!
The problem is that all of these solutions treat the symptoms, not the root cause.
As pointed out in Anne Helen Peterson’s book, I can’t even do it:
“Taking vacation doesn’t cure burnout. This problem can be caused by zeroing your inbox, using a 5-minute meditation app in the morning, prepping Sunday meals for the whole family, or starting a bullet journal. “Life hacks” such as starting Reading books about how to “fix yourself” won’t fix it.
Vacations, adult coloring books, “anxiety baking,” the Pomodoro Technique, and eating oats all night won’t fix this problem. ”
As I share in my essay, self-care issuesthat solution won’t be found in a yoga studio or a deserted beach, nor will it be found in a journal or meditation app.
To resolve, you need to have a conversation with yourself that makes you uncomfortable.
Before helping others, you must first put on your own oxygen mask.
Boundaries prevent burnout
We human pleasers spend most of our time keeping the peace and meeting the needs of others, and rarely consider our own.
This usually means we overcommit ourselves, fail to do what we want or need to do, and potentially feel resentful that our generosity is taken for granted. Here’s how things are going.
problem?
It is not someone else’s responsibility to establish our boundaries.
It is our responsibility to establish, explain and protect them.
This is where boundaries come into play.
Boundaries are healthy because they can actually be considered. our is also required. Something I hadn’t thought about for a long time. I’m sure there are many wonderful moms and dads on this newsletter list who have never considered their own needs. length time.
This doesn’t mean you suddenly need to become “the only one that matters”, but rather you need to deal with the fact that your feelings and needs are valid, and that you need to take care of yourself if: means you need to. I also plan to take care of others.
As Dr. Lakshmin points out: true self care:
“To practice true self-care, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable. Whether that means having uncomfortable conversations to set boundaries or choosing one aspect of your life more than another. Whether that means making a clear and intentional choice to prioritize
The tasks for the day are:
Say “no” to things you currently say “yes” to out of obligation or guilt.
Establish this boundary for your own well-being and mental health.
Yes, for that you have to rely on the people around you and maybe even *GASP* you might disappoint someone.
Especially if you’re used to saying “yes” to everything all the time.
I promise you, their reaction is not your responsibility.
The final thing to keep in mind is that “no” is a complete sentence.
We can’t time travel. So the only solution to burnout is to put less on your plate.
To do this, we need to create boundaries to protect ourselves from… ourselves.
I’d love to hear what boundaries you’ve set, so please reply and let me know.
-Steve
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The post Borderline: The Cure for Burnout? appeared first on Nerd Fitness.
